Thursday, May 5, 2011

Cricket slays me. In all the wrong ways.

Cricket is one of the few sports I find so mind numbingly boring that I cannot stand to watch it for more than 3 minuets. I find this game, irritating, frustrating, overrated for no apparent reason, almost always fixed and of course slower than a turtle injured on all 4 of its legs. Now, before i seem like my country's traitor and the police stick wanted posters of me all over town (they do stuff like that when you hate something they live by) let me explain my hatred.

Growing up in beautiful and oh-so-blessed land known to all as India (yes, I AM writing this just so Indians reading this post can be merciful later.) I have witnessed my country having a special interest in this sport. To be honest, it is more of an obsession than an interest. Every Indian boy has a faze in his life when he truly believes that he will grow up to be one of the great cricket players of India who's pictures he has taped on the walls of his bedroom, bathroom and even car dashboard (well, his dad's car dashboard.) And these boys will fight his parents to buy him one of those extremely ugly cricket kits along with the bats and balls. Little do they know then that they will, like those before them, use this equipment for about 5 days and then retire to their  television sets to watch the matches instead of playing them. True story.

And so as you can imagine, the marvelous people of this great nation (still kissing ass here) will not stand to hear a word against the game that has become their life, the game that is more loved than their partners, the game that had a bigger impact on them than their children. So how can a give them the dreaded truth? That the sport they adore is just a sport. More than that, it is a terrible sport. I can't, can I? And so, due to this I live my life dreading the day of a match. 'Cos this is no ordinary day, no don't you believe for a Second that it is. Schools declare holidays and offices give half days, something they don't do on festivals as big as Id. And then these cricket freaks sit in front of the tele with their eyes glued to it with more concentration than ever before in their lives.

But because I have to (more like want to) I suppose I'll force out the truth- Cricket is too long, has sweaty fat men running about and frankly, I have no idea why everyone can enjoy men hitting balls so much. Hello? It happens on TNA all the time. And wrestling can qualify as a worthwhile sport.
Cricket has as much importance to my life as Rebbeca Black's song "Friday" does. I hate it and always will. And now, dear people who talk to me during the ICC World Cup season, please note that I have no idea what the score is, I can't predict the winner and I WILL punch you if you ask me the batting average. In my opinion, cricket is as useless a game as curling (yes that game where they have giant brooms to sweep huge ass hockey pucks into circles.)

     Now if you will excuse me, the news informs me that a mob consisting of my entire country is coming to get me so I have to end this rant and run away from these fat black people.
P.S- I'm not racist. They want to torture me. I'm entitled to say that =/

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